you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
