I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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