i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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