I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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