are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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