sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
