You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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