pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize