hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
