May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
