I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
