i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
