Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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