He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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