Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
