After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
