I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
