also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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