Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
