sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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