Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
