Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
