READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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