I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
