Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize