I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
