if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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