Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize