All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
