Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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