I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
