I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
