Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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