Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
