Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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