If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
