Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize