You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
