and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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