You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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