I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
