You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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