i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
