At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
