idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
