I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
