your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
