I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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