you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
