I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
