I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
