I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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