so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize