The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
