you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
