You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
