all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
