Please, let me fuck your mom
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
