I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
