the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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