my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
