i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
