Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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