i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
