unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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