I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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