I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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