i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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