the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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