I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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