The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
