You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
