u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize