wrigley field is MILF paradise
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
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