You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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