Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
