I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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