I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize