The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
