My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Floor bacon is actually really good
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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