my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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