I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
