Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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