he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
