They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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