Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
