Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
