And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
