her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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