and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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