Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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