i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
