just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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