..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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