My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
