I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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