Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
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