All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Randomize
