dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
