turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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