life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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