my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I have tasted many bathrooms
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
