nut hugger
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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