Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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