and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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