ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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