My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
