you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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