I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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