Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
