Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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